Playing God’s part
Imagine that you are standing backstage in one of the greatest theaters you have ever seen. The seats are full and the show is in full swing. The main character is ready to walk onto center stage and belt out the one song they have all come to hear. This is the ballad that is the climax of the show. This is the moment! When the music begins to play and everyone is on the edge of their seat with anticipation, you run out and take center stage and attempt to sing a song you are not prepared to sing. Not to mention that this is not your part in the play.
I wonder how many times we do just that in this “play” called life. Especially if we have been wounded by other ‘actors’ in the play. We attempt a “song” that we are not qualified to sing only because we think we can either sing it better or at least control the outcome and the audience’s reaction. The tendency is even higher to hijack center stage when the part of the story we are walking into reminds us the most of the times that we were wounded and hurt.
Yet, that might be the part of the story that God is trying to use for His work and His glory. This might be part of the play that God uses to teach us who He is and how to trust Him again only for us to rush to center stage and try to play a part that we are not designed to play.
Why do we do this? Fear, lack of trust, wounded trust, the false belief that we can do a better job of protecting ourselves, and many other reasons cause us to hijack center stage.
I believe that control is one of the hardest things to let go. We errantly think that the more control we have over others, especially if we have been wounded, will guarantee that they will do the right thing or at least keep us safe. The tough part about leading sheep is that we cannot make them do what is right. As one wise person in my life, my mother, recently said to me as I was griping about not being center stage, “If you are confident that you are doing the right thing, then rest in that. Let God deal with the rest.”
I have found that one of the most difficult things as a wounded pastor being back in the pastorate is it is inherently more difficult to “let God deal with the rest” when this part of the play looks like a repeat of past performances. Everything in you wants to shore up your defenses, minimize the damage, control the outcome, or just find a way to escape and run for the hills.
What is the answer? How do you leave center stage to the one qualified to be there?
Trust. Learn to trust again.
Jeremiah 17:7-8 tells us “Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit.”
This wounded pastor is trying to stay in the wings backstage, be faithful to the part God has called me to play, and let Him be the star of the show. It takes a lot of trust to do that.
The Wounded Pastor
Dr. Matthew Tanner
